started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
