So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize