On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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