I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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