I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're so committed to being not committed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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