My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
