im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
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i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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