3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
