I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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