it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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