you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
