pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
