I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
