Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
