Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
