fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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