i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
