i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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