omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
