I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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