I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
