i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
