it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
