I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
