You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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