We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
