Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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