dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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