She's JV to your varsity
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
