My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
