I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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