He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A+ Viking dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
