he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need moral support for this bender
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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