Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
