Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
