I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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