i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He shit in the fireplace
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
