I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
