we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
