you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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