he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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