Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
