Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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