I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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