I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
