last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
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Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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