so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
