Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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