i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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