I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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