Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
