Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
