Having a random hookup so left but love u
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
