Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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