this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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