btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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