Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize