I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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