You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
