Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
